


Zoo

by Crockzilla



Series: Domesti-Kink with Spideypool [42]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Age Play, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Turtle Sex, animal facts with Prof Bucky, graham crackers, image-distortion-gizmos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 07:30:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14744558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crockzilla/pseuds/Crockzilla
Summary: Sam takes all five Littles to the zoo. At the same time. Rhodey helps.





	Zoo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cody_Thomas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cody_Thomas/gifts).



> Blessings on my sweet, sweet beta, QQI25!!!

Sam had completely missed the Littles at Xmas, which he was still bitter about. The only real chance he’d gotten to hang out with them had been at Clint’s birthday party, and that had been brief since everybody pretty much aged up as soon as they saw the ATVs Tony had bought for the occasion. Not that trouncing his super-powered friends at off-roading hadn’t been fun, but Sam wanted some quality time with the kiddos, damnit. (Clint hadn’t shown it, but Sam knew he’d been a little disappointed, too.)

“What about a movie?” Steve suggested.

“Yeah,” Tony chimed in. “We can use the viewing room.”

“No,” Sam vetoed. “We’re getting off campus. You all are weird adults because you didn’t do enough normal stuff with other people when you were little kids, and I can’t do anything about that, but I want to do something normal and fun with you now that you’re pretend little kids.”

Tony made a face. Steve insisted that he and Bucky had had really normal childhoods. Sam told them he was taking the kiddos to the Central Park Zoo.

“How will that work?” Natasha asked. She had her skeptical face on, but Sam had known her long enough to tell that she liked the idea.

“I know for a fact that DP has some kind of image-distortion gizmos,” he answered. “Hopefully he has five of them.”

“Five?” Clint piped up.

“Yeah,” Sam said. “Tony, Peter, Bucky and you two.”

There was a moment where Sam thought Clint was going to cry. The two of them didn’t always get counted as Littles, and Sam was sure there was a good reason, but on this outing, with him, who wasn’t anybody’s Big in particular, anyone who wanted to was going to get to be a kiddo. Nat saved the moment by punching Clint in the arm. The two of them smiled at each other, then at Sam, and he felt a little bit of what it was going to be like to have his friends open their little kid hearts to him. He would wrangle enough image-distorting gizmos.

“Sure I have five!” Wade said enthusiastically as soon as Sam told him his idea. He should have known just from the guy’s last name that they would get along really well. “I might have up to ten, in fact –“

“Do we need six?” Sam asked as DP rifled around in his numerous pockets. “For, uh – for you?”

Wade stopped rifling and looked up at him. Sam couldn’t read his expression. “No,” he said. “Thanks.”

Sam nodded. He was afraid he’d made things awkward, but Wade launched into a detailed explanation of how to use the image-distortion gizmos (and that was what he actually called them so Sam hadn’t made that up).

*~*~*

“So are we gonna go easy on him?”

Bucky waited for Iron Man to finish hog-tying the velociraptor he was dealing with. “Oh, Little Big Brother,” Tony answered, finally, “why do you ask questions that you already know the answer to?”

“But are we talking, like, meltdowns?” Bucky pressed, leaning on the broom that he’d used to herd his velociraptors back into the portal from whence they’d come. It had been shockingly effective.

Tony and Bucky both looked to where Spider-Man was luring the last of his velociraptors back through their portal with two salami sandwiches. He may have chosen the least efficient method of herding velociraptors, but all three of them knew that when they were Little, Peter was in charge.

“Not necessarily tantrums or melt-downs,” Peter answered, catching his breath and wiping some velociraptor saliva from his suit. “But lots of energy, lots of curiosity, maybe some selective hearing.”

“So if we see an opportunity,” Tony summarized, “take it?”

Peter finger-gunned at him, affirmatively, as he yanked his mask half up and shoved the last salami sandwich into his mouth. Bucky grinned – they were going to have fun at the zoo.

*~*~*

“Where, uh – is the zoo?”

Sam was very glad that Rhodey had volunteered to chaperone the kiddos with him. He had kind of hoped, however, that his friend had a better understanding of Central Park than he did.

“I see it!” Peter cried out and, for the eightieth time, started running in a random direction with the other four Littles right behind him. Sam and Rhodey corralled them back onto the trail, waving at the passersby, many of whom also had kids and strollers with them and smiled understandingly at the two men with their brood of youngsters.

Thanks to Wade’s image gizmos, all the Littles looked like, well, pretty good approximations of themselves but as little kids. It definitely helped them keep a low profile, but Sam kept having to remind himself that these people were adults and his friends and in some cases super-powered. It didn’t keep him from having a near heart attack every time they tried to wander off.

“We have to stay together and stay on the trail,” Sam explained, making sure to look each kiddo directly in the eye, “or somebody will get lost and then what will we tell your grown-ups?”

It seemed like this rhetoric had been effective – each of the kids looked moderately concerned until Clint cheerfully announced, “I don’t have grown-ups!”

Sam sighed as the Littles all burst into peals of laughter, including Clint. He clearly aged down to ten or eleven, right at the age where kids still wanted to be little kids but also felt obligated to act older by being generally contrary. At least Clint was a sweetheart about it, so far.

“You can have our grown-ups!” Tony offered, and Bucky nodded in agreement.

Peter and Natasha offered their grown-ups to him as well, and Clint giggled, pleased. Sam exchanged a glance with Rhodey as the five kiddos joined hands and started walking down the path together, loudly singing the Wizard of Oz song while Nat tried in vain to teach them the dance.

“We’ll run into the zoo,” Rhodey reassured him, “if we just keep going south from MOMA.”

Dropping off the Bigs at MOMA had been ridiculously adorable. Everybody had put on their image gizmos at home, so when Sam had arrived at their meeting place, he’d been greeted by Cap, Peggy, Pepper, and Wade all holding hands with energetic little kids. All five of them had rushed Sam and Rhodey when they arrived -- that had been cute and weird because while they looked short their real bodies made the impact, grabbing the two of them around their waists and nearly knocking them into a large planter.

“Be very good for your uncles,” Peggy had instructed with a stern look to Tony, Bucky, and Nat, and even Peter and Clint. Sam was glad because Dadpool didn’t seem to do “stern” (though watching Wade with Little!Peter was almost too cute to handle) and Clint, well, didn’t have grown-ups. All of the Bigs had hugged and kissed all of the Littles and waved them off as they started down the path to the zoo.

Sam had decided to have faith in Rhodey’s confidence that if they kept heading this direction, the zoo would find them. At any rate, the kiddos didn’t seem to mind – they were skipping merrily ahead down the path when suddenly Nat stopped in her tracks, comically yanking the others to a stop with their linked arms.

“Alice!” she cried, pointing ahead, and Sam could see a big brass statue of Alice, the Mad Hatter, and the Door Mouse all sitting on toadstools just ahead of them on the path. Little Nat looked back at them with huge, hopeful eyes.

“Go for it!” Rhodey encouraged.

Peter, Clint, and Tony immediately took off and started climbing all over the kid-friendly statue. Natasha approached it more slowly, looking at it in wonder, and Bucky stayed with her, their arms still linked. Sam watched as Nat reached out one hand and tentatively stroked the toadstool closest to them. Then Peter (who was hanging upside down from the highest point because of course he was) called out to her and she quickly mounted the statue, pulling Bucky along with her.

Sam involuntarily laid a hand over his own heart because it kind of felt like his chest was caving in from watching that. Rhodey laughed and clapped him on the back – this was going great, even if they never made it to the zoo.

“There’s my daddy!”

Sam looked at where tiny, upside-down Peter was pointing to see Wade Wilson’s head sticking out of a bush. It quickly disappeared once he realized he’d been spotted.

“Hey, buddy,” Sam said, approaching the bush.

“Oh, hi!” Wade said, trying to look like he just happened to be there. “How’s it going? You guys having fun?”

“Shouldn’t you be at MOMA?” Sam asked, crossing his arms.

“Ah, I’m kind of over MOMA,” Wade shrugged, and Sam knew that was a lie because earlier Wade had proudly shown him his MOMA-themed handbag. He caught him trying to subtly look over his shoulder, and Sam turned to see Peter climbing on the statue with his friends while Rhodey spotted for them. Wade kind of waved, but his kiddo wasn’t paying attention.

“Should they be climbing on that?” Wade asked, obviously trying to sound benignly curious. “It seems kind of – high –“

Sam raised an eyebrow. “You know Peter’s actually Spider-Man, right? Sticks to walls and stuff?”

“Well, did you know that Spider-Man,” Wade informed, crossing his arms, “once fell off of our bed whilst he was reaching for his T-Rex and almost gave himself a concussion?”

Sam bit his lip. That was the most entertaining image he had ever held in his mind, but he didn’t think Wade would be amused if he let out the hysterical laughter welling inside of him. He tried to look serious. “I promise we’re taking good care of them.”

Wade instantly deflated. “I know. I’m so sorry. They told me I’d do this.”

“Who did?” Sam asked.

“Cap and Peter,” Wade admitted, woefully. “They said I’d sneak off and bother you guys because I have separation anxiety.”

Sam squeezed his friend’s shoulder. Poor guy. “Go back and hang with the other grownups. Where do they think you are, anyway?”

“I told them there was a Vore exhibit,” he admitted, shamefaced, “and they didn’t know what that was but I implied enough that they were like, that’s cool, you do you. I took advantage of their innocence.”

Sam also did not know what “vore” was and felt okay about that. After a little more reassuring, he convinced Wade to go back to MOMA and Cap and Peg and Pepper. It helped, he thought, that Peter happened to look over and briefly wave at his Dadpool. Sam showed Wade multiple times that he in fact did have his cell numbers, all four of them, and said he would call at the first sign of any trouble.

“This is good for Uncle Wade,” Bucky told Sam when he came back to the group. “He’s over-protective.”

Sam checked to see how Peter felt about that, but Peter just smiled, scrunching his nose adorably.

After a while, they reminded the kiddos of their destination, which got them all back on the path again, headed south-ish. They passed a huge pond with model boats, which Clint was very interested in (Sam made a mental note of that for later), and not one but two playgrounds.

“You guys,” Sam called as the Littles rushed to attack playground number two, “if we stop to play at everything we run into we’re never going to get to the zoo.”

“And the animals will think that you hate them,” Rhodey added. That made all five small children shriek in dismay, which was hilarious, and they were soon back on track.

When they finally, blessedly reached the zoo, Sam got their tickets and wrist bands and strapped them onto the kiddos as quickly as possible. They tried to run in five different directions, but Rhodey deftly steered them towards the Children’s Zoo.

“Uncle Rhodey, what are those turtles doing to each other?”

Sam watched his friend close his eyes and mutter “Please don’t be fucking, please don’t be fucking” before he turned and saw, yep – Tony pointing at two turtles who were definitely doing the do. Tony looked perfectly innocent, but Sam knew in his heart that Tony was having great fun torturing his best friend. This whole Little thing was a real racket.

“They’re playing a game,” Rhodey attempted as the other Littles (and also other children that they didn’t know) started to notice the fucking turtles and looking to Rhodey for an explanation. “A…jumping…game…”

“Let’s play the turtle jumping game!” Peter said, making Rhodey let out a small and horrified sound.

At this point, Sam was seeing through Peter’s “I’m adorable” routine and was going to get him back for being such a little shit once he was grown up. “Hey, who wants to go to the petting zoo?” he asked instead, relieved that all the Littles immediately shouted “Me!” and ran towards the petting zoo before any of them could “jump” on each other. Rhodey rested his hand on Sam’s shoulder and sighed as they headed after their little gang.

“No no, gentle hands,” Clint corrected Tony, who had poked a goat directly in the nose. “This is their house so we have to be nice.”

Sam did not believe in making actual kids be responsible for other, younger kids, but in this situation, he was more than willing to let Clint and Nat show off their good older sibling skills. And they were very skilled. The two weary adults took a moment to sit down as they watched Natasha prevent a baby goat from biting off Peter’s fingers.

“And goats are very sure-footed,” Bucky told them, making Sam think of a tiny adorable professor. “And that means they can climb mountains.”

“Really?” Rhodey said, looking intrigued. Sam wanted to hug him.

“Uh-huh, and they can digest almost anything,” Bucky continued, petting a goat who was nibbling at his t-shirt, “so they can live in harsh climates—“

At that moment, a loud sound came from the open-air stable on the other side of the petting zoo that sent a chill down Sam’s spine. It sounded like a human was being ripped open and screaming about it. Suddenly, all five Littles were clustered against them, and Tony climbed into his lap (which was not comfortable because while he looked like a little kid his body was still that of a grown man). Both adults instinctively put their arms around the kiddos, but none of them were upset, just looking with wide eyes in the direction of the sound.

“Oh, that’s just Wallace,” said the overly cheerful petting-zoo attendant. “He gets a little excited.”

Sam and Rhodey exchanged a look. “Maybe it’s time to go see penguins,” Sam suggested.

“We should go see Wallace,” Peter suggested, “because he’s really scary and when something’s really scary it’s good to go see it so it’s not as scary.”

And then, in frighteningly perfect unison, all five Littles sang, “See what it is, you might feel better!”

“Tell me that’s from that show they all watch,” Rhodey said as they followed the kids, who had linked hands and were moving toward the horrific bleating noise, “and that they didn’t just all make up a song using their weird psychic link.”

Sam shrugged. In his experience, little kids were just inexplicably creepy sometimes.

Turned out, seeing Wallace didn’t make anybody feel better. Yes, he was just another goat, and yes, he seemed very excited to see them, but at close range his bleating sounded even more like someone being eaten by a wood chipper. He also looked like the sort of goat you’d put on a death metal album cover. The very brave kiddos all covered their ears and started looking at their grown-ups with classic “I’m three seconds from crying” faces, so Rhodey and Sam quickly ushered their little gang away from Wallace and the petting zoo.

“Uncle Rhodey, will you please fix my graham cracker?”

Sam watched Rhodey look at the whole graham cracker that tiny!Tony was holding out to him. They had gotten everyone’s hands washed, for which Sam thought they deserved medals, and the other Littles were happily munching away on their snacks.

“Like this?” Rhodey asked, breaking the cracker in half.

“Yes, but more,” Tony explained, regarding his bestie with big eyes. Rhodey broke the halves into fourths.

“Thank you!” Tony exclaimed and began enthusiastically eating all four pieces at once. The other kiddos watched him, then turned their gazes on their grown-ups.

“Uncle Rhodey, can you do mine, too?”

“Sam, can you fix my graham crackers?”

Once everyone’s crackers (some of them already damp from having been nibbled) were broken into fourths, they were able to finish snack. Sam even broke two crackers into fourths for himself and Rhodey. He tried not to admit to himself that they tasted better that way.

For the next while, they made a steady circuit around the zoo. This was what Sam had envisioned when he’d proposed this idea, even the steady litany of little kid voices calling for him and Rhodey to “look at this!” and “watch this!”

“But they’re not naturally pink, they’re white,” Bucky shared, holding Sam’s shirt with one hand and pointing at the flamingos with the other, “but they eat lots of shrimp and it turns them pink.”

“If I eat lots of shrimp will I turn pink?” Clint asked.

“Yes,” Rhodey replied without missing a beat, making all five Littles laugh hysterically and spend the next ten minutes repeating that Clint was going to turn himself pink eating shrimp.

While laughing and trying to keep Peter from falling into the penguins’ habitat, Sam had a moment when he wished the Littles weren’t wearing image-distorting-gizmos. He was very grateful for the gizmos, because going out in public like this just wouldn’t have been feasible without them. He just realized that he wanted to hang out with the Littles (or as Wade called them, “the babies,” and Sam had caught himself thinking of them this way in his own head) when they looked like themselves, like his friends. The fake little kid versions of them were cute and all, but it was knowing who they were and what they were like in “real life” that was making this special.

And of course his heart-warming interior moment was interrupted when Tony started to cry. Loudly.

“What’s wrong?” Rhodey asked as they moved in on the little cluster. Tony had his entire face pressed into Bucky’s chest, wailing for all he was worth. Nat and Bucky looked significantly at Peter, who was frowning mightily, armed crossed.

“Peter called Tony ‘shell-head,’” Bucky said when Peter didn’t reply.

“I didn’t mean it mean!” Peter insisted as Tony wailed even more loudly. Bucky sighed and patted his little brother’s back.

“Why did you call him ‘shell-head’?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know,” Peter shrugged, glaring at the ground.

“I know!” Clint chimed in, helpfully. “Tony was standing where he could see the penguins in their underwater cave and Peter couldn’t see them and he told Tony to move so he could see and Tony said he was standing there first and Peter called him ‘shell-head.’”

Clint had gotten this entire story out in one breath and now looked as smug as if he’d just explained a very complex international conflict. Rhodey turned, walked a short distance away, and leaned over, hands on his knees. Sam knew he was laughing, which meant Sam had to handle this shit.

“Say you’re sorry,” Natasha said in that imperious way that precocious little kids had.

Or Natasha was going to handle it. “But I’m not sorry,” Peter countered, giving her the Big Please Eyes that multiple people had warned Sam about.

Natasha was not affected, apparently. She put her hands on her hips, looking thoroughly unimpressed. “Say it anyway.”

“But that would be lying,” Peter hissed.

“Peter.”

Peter looked from Natasha to Sam, and Sam did his best to copy Natasha’s impassive expression. It was a challenge, but it must have worked because Peter closed his eyes, frowned so hard he turned red, and then blurted, “Fine, I’m sorry I called you shell-head!”

Tony immediately stopped crying, released Bucky, and wrapped his arms around Peter with a quiet, “Thank you I’m sorry too.”

Sam’s heart melted even as his brain marveled at the ridiculousness of small children. Nat and Bucky exchanged triumphant expressions. Clint just clapped his hands.

After that, Bucky decided to slide down the age scale (which Peggy and Steve had prepared him for and Sam thought was perfectly understandable – staying the same age would get boring). The other Littles stayed their approximate ages but started catering more to their youngest member, who held both Sam’s and Rhodey’s hands as they continued their circuit of the zoo.

“Do you want me to carry you?” Tony offered, walking backwards in front of his now little brother.

“I don’t know if you can carry him, buddy,” Rhodey gently curbed that idea.

“He can carry me!” Tony supplied, cheerfully. “‘Cause he’s super strong like our daddy!”

“I could carry him,” Natasha chimed in, “because I’m strong,” and she illustrated her point by sweeping Tony into a bridal carry, making him giggle.

“And I can carry everybody!” Peter announced, easily lifting Clint up onto his shoulders. Clint cackled ecstatically, but Sam quickly set him back on his feet – best not to attract attention to the six-year-old with the proportional strength of a spider.

A few yards later, though, all five Littles were starting to look like wind-up toys in the last gasps of their wind, dragging their feet and hanging on each other and on their adults. Sam felt a light panic rise in his chest, and he looked at Rhodey to see that he was experiencing the same sensation.

“Look at this motley crew.”

As if by some miracle, Sam turned and saw Captain America walking towards him, licking an ice cream cone. Tony and Bucky instantly found enough energy to rush their dad, nearly knocking him over.

“Where’d you get ice cream?” Bucky asked, apparently having aged up a little.

“Over there,” Steve gestured, smiling at Sam and Rhodey as if he could see their supreme relief at the sight of another grown-up. “Mummy and Pepper and Uncle Wade are getting ice cream, too.”

“Daddy!” Peter cried, making a beeline for the ice cream stand. Sam watched as the little kiddo made it to a tall man in a hoodie (carrying a lovely MOMA-themed handbag) who instantly turned and swept him into his arms, kissing him all over his face as Peter giggled, happily. Sam was so proud of Wade – he’d have to tell him later.

Taking care of a group of little kids for an extended time was fun for a lot of reasons, but one of the most gratifying parts was the intense relief when you could finally share the responsibility with other grown-ups. Sam and Rhodey silently shared this feeling as they ate their waffle cone sundaes, watching Steve and Wade play some kind of dinosaur game with the kiddos (who had all finished their ice cream in seconds) while Peggy and Pepper cheered them on.

“It was weird to not be with you guys,” Pepper said as they walked out of the zoo together. She held Tony’s hand but gave Clint a side-hug with her other arm, and Clint’s face lit up in a way that made Sam’s chest feel like it was caving in again.

“Was MOMA fun?” Nat asked in her small, sweet voice, looking up at her mama.

“It was,” Peggy said, squeezing her hand, “but we’ll have to go again soon, just you and me.”

“I called Tony ‘shell head,’” Peter confessed to his Dadpool, who was carrying him on his hip.

“He didn’t mean it mean!” Tony defended as Wade looked utterly bewildered and Steve laughed his ass off. Little Bucky just shook his head and leaned into his dad’s side.

“We should start a babysitting service,” Rhodey said to him as they walked a bit behind the rest of the group. “Like a dog-walking service but for little kids.”

“Only if we use leashes,” Sam said, and Rhodey laughed out loud. Sam liked making Rhodey do that. Maybe starting a business together wasn’t a bad idea.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Cody_Thomas for this precious idea!!!!!
> 
> Next up in Domesti-Kink land: Wade's #1 dildo (featuring Dom!Peter and predicament bondage, oh my!), baking role play (I'm so excited), and then more extra fun things like sexy piercing time and candy thermometer happenstancing, HOORAY!!!
> 
> I'm also working feverishly on my Big Bang prompt which started posting on 6/26 (SO. EXCITE.) and I'll be updating my no-powers AU story based on notlucy's Proprietary Info universe weekly. Whee, watch me go!!!
> 
> Got requests/ideas/questions/want to chat? Tumble me! crockzilla.tumblr.com


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